Loser

The following (very) short story was the first conscious writing of Sam. Sam was borne into consciousness some 6 years ago; this was the result of that awakening.

Loser

            Curled on the couch.  Waiting.  Her eyes stare blankly at a movie on TV.  Little Lynn gets off the couch and patters down the hall.  She’s so bored; tired of waiting for Daddy.  She stands at the bathroom door and listens.

            Snap, fizz.  Snap, fizz.

            “Daddy?” she calls in her little voice.  She hears feet come to the door and pressure pushes against it.

            “Daddy’s busy, honey,” Daddy says behind the door, “Go watch the movie.”

            She hesitates and then slowly walks back down the hall.  Snap, fizz.  Smoking.  Lynn doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing.  Something about rocks.  Daddy likes rocks that smoke.

            But come play with me, Daddy, she thinks, Please, Daddy?

            Little Lynn knows Daddy loves her.  He’s just busy.  Daddy’s always so busy.  Snap, fizz.  So busy.  She climbs on the couch and curls up on a pillow. She snuggles under a blanket and puts a comforting thumb in her mouth.  Her big, brown eyes stare blankly at the movie.  She isn’t watching it; her thoughts are elsewhere.

            Daddy?  Come play with me, Daddy.  Let me ride on your shoulders.

*                                  *                                  *         

            Looking out the window at the road.  He’ll come home soon, won’t he?  Little Lynn patiently sits by the window, gazing at the road.  Her golden hair falls in her face and she delicately brushes the little strands away from her brown eyes; her eyes so intent on the road.

            “Mommy, where’s Daddy?”

            “At work, honey.  Be patient.”

            And she is.  She is a patient little girl who loves her Daddy very much.  So she waits.  She waits.  The sun goes down and a silver moon rises and still no Daddy.  Reluctantly, but obediently, she goes to bed when her Mommy tells her to.

            Maybe Daddy will come home tomorrow.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Pushing a plastic car through the carpet. She opens the doors, pulls out two figurines – a little girl and a man. They hold hands. She makes them talk, “Ok, Daddy! Let’s go to the circus!”

            “Would you like cotton candy?”

            “Yes, please! Can I ride on your shoulders?”

            “Of course you can.”

            Little Lynn puts the plastic girl on the man’s plastic shoulders and walks them across the carpet, humming a happy song to herself. Mommy is sitting on the couch, watching Little Lynn play. Mommy has tired eyes. Little Lynn pauses and looks over her shoulder at Mommy, “Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?”

            Mommy closes her eyes and breathes in slowly; she makes a circle with her lips and blows the air out. She opens her eyes, “I don’t know, honey.”

            Little Lynn waits.

*                                    *                                *

            Playing in the backyard on a cool, autumn afternoon. She rolls in the grass and the dry, dead leaves stick to her hair.  She loves the smell of the outdoors.  Daddy loves the outdoors, too.

            And there he is!  There is her Daddy, by the tree in the yard!

            “Daddy, oh Daddy!” she yells with delight.  She stands up, brushes the leaves off her knees, and runs to him with arms spread wide, her golden hair flowing behind her, “Can you play now, Daddy?  Can you play with me?  Are you busy?”

            “Yes, let’s play,” says Daddy, “I’m not busy anymore.”

            But as she runs into him, she touches nothing; she runs right through him.  She turns around and looks at him in confusion.  His head is lowered and he rubs his eyes with his hands.

            “But, Daddy—“

            “Why?”  Daddy moans and clenches his fists, “Why?” Daddy screams and looks to the sky, “Why did I lose her?”

            “Loser?” Lynn asks.

            Daddy’s smile is sad, “Yeah, baby.  I loser.”

            Slowly, as she looks at her Daddy, he seems not so much there.  She sees past him now and he’s fading away.  She stares in wonder at that fading man; her bottom lip quivers and her brown eyes moisten.

            Mommy walks into the backyard and finds Little Lynn staring in bewilderment at the empty air where her Daddy just was, “Come on, honey, it’s time to go.”

            Lynn walks to her Mommy and holds her hand.  Mommy leads her out of the backyard but Lynn looks back at the vacant spot.

            They get in the car and back out of the driveway.

            Time to visit Daddy at the cemetery.